dude so

Psychopomp GOLD is goated

and so is um

despelote

despelote was seriously so amazing i love that game so much i played it in spanish

love everything about it like. such a sentimental experience

there are more games i’ve been meaning to play that i just haven’t tbh

Studio System: Guardian Angel is something i got recently

and i really should get to In Stars And Time

has been rotting in my steam library for a while

many such cases

i feel so weak right now

my head is not being kind to me

not like mental turmoil or whatever i mean like this headache is fucking w me

i mean it’s like so late in the night right like why wouldn’t i want to gts at this point

i haven’t been doing anything these past few hours but brooding away

…

i’m still up

social media’s messing me up i wanted to make a song earlier because i haven’t been making songs

but i got distracted

i can’t tell if it’s for the better honestly i mean i have a headache

producing would probably make it worse

whatever

never mentioned this but i just wanna get it out there that i acknowledge ok

toyohime in touhou 20 is huge

really huge

ok

i am starting to

think that my sadness is more of a general sadness instead of specifically just a nighttime sadness

i've been telling people that i go through nighttime sadness because i feel like people don't like to hear me out when i bring up that i'm sad

so i invalidate my own sadness by making it out to be just a nighttime thing that everyone goes through

i feel really torn inside honestly but whatever

currently wondering if i did this to myself

i probably shouldn't dwell on that any longer

or

i can't tell if that'd be healthy

hi

feeling worthless 31 august 2025

nighttime sadness every night is not fun or cool nights

i also don't like internet dictating me who i am

but how much should i care

it is the internet

i don't think i care so much

but it's not like i. don;t care at all

anyways i have headache too

and kind of mad at myself for only drawing and listening to people talk these past two weeks

i like indulging in art but i am limiting myself too

in productivity sphere

i still want a job or internship

i wish i realized importance of internship sooner

also typing weird on purpose rightnow because idk

some kind of head feeling

judge from civil case [that i mentioned in my last entry post] worked in our favor

ngl huge

hi hello whatsapp

so things lately

firstly i'm super addicted to drawing lately tbh

you should maaaaybe really check out my drawings page and see what i've been making if u haven't already

it's been eating up a bunch of my time but like whatever honestly

haven't been like gaming or making music like at all ,, in terms of like recently pursued hobbies at least

it's jjuusstt been this

i don't hate that i haven't been making music tbh,, but i do have games in my backlog that i wanna get to,, that i just.... haven't gotten to!

wondering if this drawing hyperfixation will die down soon

no biggie whether it does or it doesn't tbh.. i'm enjoying art!!

secondly i'm a little messed up over college

the semester started already but they didn't really give me the option to sign up for that many courses

i'm gonna go to an advising appointment in a few days so i can try talking that out w someone.. hoping to get an idea as to just whaaaat can i do...?!

i am not about to only take two courses.. it's really 1 1/3 courses tbh cuz it's like a lecture + lab split and the lab is 1 credit where the lecture is 3

if i can't get that stuff sorted out i'm gonna try pursuing like... a job like fr... or an internship somehow

third thing ok so tomorrow [tomorrow like the 28th ok not later today as tomorrow [i haven't gone to sleep yet]] i'm gonna go w my mom to a civil case court session... my blood dad sued her recently and she's thinking she'll combat the case w the best of her ability... but idk i'm nervous lol it's kinda really serious

i hope it works out in our favor... i don't even want to think about what'd happen if she couldn't succeed there...

it has to do with eviction... among other things... so really fingers crossed that things end up working out in the end

ueh

hey hi oghghgug hey guys

forgot to mention this the other day but i finally finished my summer college courses u,_u

biggest weight off my chest feeling in a while

those courses stunk rlly badly i hated them but i got thru them asf

had a bit of a one-in-a-lifetime team project experience which kinda gives me a headache just thinking about it

aaaaaand my math course liek

omg my math course

i literally like i had to take two exams back to back in the same week for my last week

i was so nervous like every single day of that week lol + for my last unit exam i literally got a 65/100 so i was like ?????? I'M GONNA FAIL WTFBHJUFWEBFBEWH

but liiiike i really just i got a 90 on my final which made me

well

i was about to say it made me soooooooo happy but rlly i'm just idk i'm relieved

(╥﹏╥)

another thing guyssssss wplace had been weirdly super thrilling for me not too long ago

it's down rn i think idk i haven't been checking it but a few days ago it wasn't down and like

doing touhou and hello charlotte and dismiss yourself pixel art on there + having people respond to my pixel art adding me on discord nd stuff + finding out people in my area have like similar interests to me

genuinely had such a big smile on my face when all thag unfolded wwow i loved it sm

the requests stopped nd like whatever but it was so euphoriccccccccccc

that site is holy deltarune tho

deltarune and brazil flag

not mad at it or whatever idk just kinda,.,., observing.......,.,.,.,.,.,,.,...

today is an amazing day for nostalgia

i finally managed to get access to my old dsi flipnote studio id (was under my nose the whole time but whatever)

and from that i got to see my flipnote hatena profile's archive for the first time

i genuinely screamed when i realized what i found

i have not seen these flipnotes in yearsssss

i don't want to link it here but i'll still say what i saw

so my account activity ranged from July 2011 to May 2013 which was cool to know

i guess i hung around that service during its twilight

and the stuff i posted is kinda... wow

i had pretty quirky obsessions back then

for example i was very into old windows operating systems like windows xp windows 3.1 windows server 2003 (for some reason) etc etc... i posted related stuff to my profile

i also apparently posted a bunch of my own personal renditions of rhythm heaven remix stages in 2012 which... looking back on these they're kinda awesome.. a little hard to believe i was 8 years old when i made them

i also had like... some japanese otoMADs i reposted here and there... which i think is really amazing and kinda confirms my memories a little bit. i've been emphasizing for a while that the otoMADs i watched when i was younger influenced me a lot... and this is like yeah lol they're here

a good amount of japanese stuff is on here actually not just otoMADs... which makes sense tbh. i was very heavy on importing flipnotes from japanese flipnote hatena and ig this was representative of that

okay and there's also like... ig u can consider it like "flipnote graphic design" in a way... i made a bunch of logos for stuff and posted them on here... they're pretty basic but i was still into the idea of just... making logos yeah... logos and drawn character models

there's a bunch of miscellaneous stuff here as well like other random reposts and a bunch of whatever scenes but i still just love looking through all this

like i still can't believe it it's all here it's all really here i'm so happy

i thought all of this was lost in time but it's here it's so so so really seriously here

i'll show some of these in the attachments

i got a new fumo in the mail today

it's a bit of an unpopular choice i think but i got pc-98 marisa

really love this she looks so great and i love her honestly

i think this'll actually be the last fumo i buy for a few years ok they're so expensive

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y'all look at these pics i took earlier ok check the attachments

so beautiful sky

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putting it out there that these next two weeks r gonna be like the worst two weeks ever for college coursework

extremely packed workload

btw 28th entry on the 28th of a month is very rare and once in a lifetime thing so like it's so important that i bring that up now before it's too late

actually no if i make a post tomorrow it'll still be fulfilled for 29

i might not make a post tomorrow tho

or idk maybe.. i have this thing to go to tomorrow that i might write about here if i'm like super unsatisfied and feel like talking about it

tho that sounds unlikely

been playing not so many games this month but a good amount ok i wish i could play more but i'm busy w college nd other things

came back to reading umineko recently okay it's been kinda awesome

currently on episode 3 i mean i had to leave it on hold for a few days but i'm hoping i can finish the episode later today

i also played heisei pistol show not too long ago and honestly wow

game left me introspective asf but also thinking about like... the kinda really interesting background revolving around parun

i might have to play that game again a few times over ngl... tho i'm interested in other parun things now and might dive as far as i can into that

kinda interested in umamusume... i remember hearing about the anime like... back in 2018 or so and thought like... yeah

but now it's time to indulge... maybe... idk i heard it's a gacha game and.. i historically do not do gachas,.,., aside from project sekai ig but even then i don't indulge in the gacha aspect of that game

i bought umineko golden fantasia like two days ago i need to play that

i heard it's okay... not super amazing but i wanna play it anyway cuz i love umineko... well idk everyone yet like i said i'm only on ep3

but still i'm interested

one more thing i bought psychopomp gold

not really too sure what that one has going for it but it looked really interesting

hiiiiiiiiii

first of all i reeeeeeally need to remember this site exists i've been lowkey neglecting it and getting like zero traffic cuz i've been hiding the link from like everyone

secondly i'm a little stressed but unstressed idk how to put it

college lololoololollololol college!!!!!!!!

i took a math exam earlier this week and it was nnnnot fun........ got a 78/100 but like i don't hate that ig cuz i literally thought i was gonna get like something in the 60-70 range...

dude at the beginning of the exam i literally almost had a panic attack i was like IDK HOW TO ANSWER ANY OF THESE PROBLEMS WTF but no i managed it asf

i finished all my hw for the week sliiiiiightly earlier than due date anticipated so i'm a little happy abt that ig

next week's gonna be a little bad tho i got like 3 math units to work on... which... in itself that's normal yea i'm okay w that... but i also have to write like a paper n work on this one team project

the paper i hate so much cuz they want me to visit an irl art gallery and do like a visual analysis of something

not the worst thing in the world i mean they're only asking for like what 2 pages worth of writing

but still i don't want to have to visit somewhere for that

i'll do it in a few days

as for the team project it's so fucked

it's a 2 person team project,, we've had this project available to work on for weeks but we've made like zero progress and it's due in 2 weeks (no pressure cuz it's a powerpoint ok those are never hard but still)

our communication has been fucking WEIRD well it's been about human... spotty tho... but it's still a bit weird ok listen rq

my teammate's been a very sentimental texter w me it's honestly a little overwhelming

plus like........ his dog died today (yesterday as i'm writing this but like today in terms of i've been awake since yesterday) and he's been texting me about it

like

i sent him my condolences and all cuz like it really was fucked up.. he said his dog died cuz of a heat stroke

but the part i kinda can't get over tho is how this guy sent me like a pic of his dog's soon-to-be grave like it was a hole in the ground that was empty

i felt a little uneasy cuz it's like... idk... i don't expect that out of group project teammates

if it gets to a point i will literally reach out to my prof like it's such a must

semi chaotic lately

i've been getting back into african music recently

i remember in like spring of 2021 i was sooooooooo into african music... among other things... particularly western african music but still just african music in general

fela kuti was biiiiiig to me ok that was a personal favorite at that time

feels like a long time since then honestly

there's this one Senegalese genre that peaked at my interests a lot back then that's known as "Mbalax"

i got back into that like two days ago and omggguuhuhh i might get into another african music phase

this be sum goodass shit mmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmm

guysss my nue houjuu fumo came in the mail

like the parsee fumo i got she's also authentic

no more fumo purchases for a long time but still these two are very precious i cherish them

(btw here in the attachments u can find my button pin collection on the wall atm i don't have a lot but since i got these fumo buttons w the fumos themselves i'm like sure this could be a fun thing to collect)

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currently kinda going thru balance of my life being like super active but at the same time nothing's happening at all

first of all college has been kinda whatever

currently passing everything and if anythinggggg last week i finished like all the stuff for my math course that i would've otherwise had to do this week so my schedule is so so free atm

not like i'm really doing much with this free time though

i haven't really been playing games or going out or whatever i've been just watching youtube videos talking to ppl online and listening to music

well there's a bit more to that but the point is that i'm kinda wasting away all these hours

i need a job...............

+ at the same time my life has been going thru a bit of a hectic side lately cuz i've got a bunch of kinda detrimental familial business going on

won't go too into detail but my family may or may not currently be at the risk of eviction so like yyyyyyyyea it's pretty serious

i wanna say we'll be fine but it's very unclear honestly so i'm really fingers crossing

++ haven't been properly keeping track of time honestly

everything's slipping away (not very serious or detrimental)

i guess one plus uh i bought a nue houjuu fumo like two days ago on ebay & it's still on the way to me

that's enough fumo expenses for me tho

was the last of my Epic Games v FTC lawsuit refund money that i spent on that

fun while it lasted

guyssss i got a parsee fumo

this is like my first authentic fumo ever too this is amazing

i love her so much

i've been rocking a flandre bootleg fumo for a little while (still love that one btw) so this is like a change of pace a bit

parsee even came w a little pin that's nice

i thank the Epic Games [Fortnite] v FTC lawsuit refund for this purchase

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thinking about yuuka a lot recently

she not really a demented type character like people like to say she is sometimes like yeah i know she carries like some sort of notoriety status in tandem w her caring for her sunflowers her abilities and the fact that she's got a few sorta questionable quirks but like idk

i fw her

perceivable pros to her as a character

i also fw when she gets portrayed w dynamics that kinda reel in wriggle nightbug and medicine melancholy

no sadism in this ballpark

thinking about Rei'sen

a little interested in her premise even if she is kinda haphazardly just like a pupil for the watatsuki sisters and weirdly not so much more than that... that's considering that there are like other minor appearances of her

those "other minor appearances" sorta just bounce off that first appearance that i brought up tho... the pupil ish... so it's not like there's so much to that stuff as a whole

would be very interesting if she got more time in the canon and things would unfold like.. differently than they have been by this point... like instead of just her doing stuff with reimu and eirin without sooo much substance to those encounters

kinda really wanna see other things unfold

i've been going through an interesting series of thoughts lately ok i'm not sure i really get myself tho

i've also been going through like a desire to keep to myself lately

by all means i'll keep updating this page and this website as a whole but sometimes i really need to be secluded like straight up isolated on the internet

i need to relearn myself... #honestly

i took my first proctored exam for my summer math course like two days ago

holy fuck that was awful

my body hurt manyfold from it and i could barely feel myself thinking straight cuz of how long i was taking the exam

i was about to type "never doing that shit again" but i have to do that stuff like 4 more times in the next like what two months

sigh

anyways i'm kinda gaming lately

thinking i get moonlight on my modded wii u and treat the gamepad as a makeshift steam deck

also i drew for the first time in a while earlier today (keeping the drawing to myself)

drew parsee mizuhashi cuz i love her lately

lil jealous goblin

i got a cartridge of super mario world 2 yoshi's island for the snes today

really a bit ecstatic cuz this is like one of my favorite games like ever it's so good

blessup

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kinda thinking about how flipnote hatena from 2011 to 2013 made me who i am today

thinking i got into animes like nichijou through that service,, as well as like the touhou franchise and vocal synth culture through flipnotes as well,, i was partially swayed by the music but a lot of that general stuff developed like crazy for me in the coming years and now i’m like the 2011-2013 version of myself times like 1000

if i never learned how to import japanese flipnotes onto my dsi at the time,, i think i’d be like an insanely different person now,, like night and day differences of character

actually it’s cuz of that that i’d also think about,, like,, how much i was influenced by old japanese internet in general,,

flandre scarlet freaked me out when i was a kid,, like the way she was usually portrayed

stop nagging me with akita neru was like the best song ever at the time (u guys have no idea i had been looking for that song for like at least 10 years i was so desperate but in 2023 i finally found it again like i was so ecstatic and it’s just like ugh it was about as good as i remembered it being in 2013)

there was this one touhou fan song that i really really loved as a kid it went like “pettan pettan tsurupettan” yep i think about it a lot,, i liked tons of fan songs and touhou based content in general back then but like this is what i'm thinking about right now yup

so many catchy songs and substantial pieces of content from back then that kinda give me a weird feeling in my chest thinking about now

why does it make me so nervous lol it’s a little scary

i think i just miss that time so much it was so special and magic fuck wtf it was beautiful and everything felt like sunshine and rainbows,, especially getting into touhou for the first time,, it weirdly felt so lovely

whatever i’m done being nostalgic i should stop being nostalgic

the now can be cool too but hey it's not bad to feel nostalgic i guess

okay so some things have happened lately some things that i'm happy about and other things not so much

last weekend i went on an unexpected trip to a ferry a few cities from my home and while i was super unprepared and wish i had known in advance that i was going to such a thing i still felt a bit delighted cuz of how lax and lazy the overall trip was i was mellow asf,, tho at the same time it was around the time i started really getting into factorio and i was sliiiightly aching to play that,, but hey i like being out and about so

i bought a slim ps1 yesterday like the ones that are stylized as "ps one" and while it iiiis a bit scratched up i still really love just having it around. that's my baby now.. i've never has a ps1 before and now that i own one i'm just so delighted,, i was always skeptical about buying one cuz it's like am i reeeeeally gonna be using this,,, but no i got games for it that i care about and i've even been playing my music cds off it and it's just so amazing i love this purchase

at the same time however i tried to buy a ps2 slim on the same day (slight impulse) and when i hooked it up and stuff,, well,, like,, it turned on and everything,, it loaded the browser + config menu just fine,, but it.. didn't want to load the games i had for some reason.. came with a messed up disc drive,, i returned it to the store ofc and while they couldn't give me my money back through cash or to my credit card i still had hella money towards like in-store credit which i of course used up a bit after returning the console,, i ended up getting some games that i'm like so happy to own,, i bought "katamari forever" for the ps3 which btw i'm like the most excited about from my haul today cuz like i love the katamari franchise so much the games are so special and cute and just so substantial, i bought "ape escape" for the ps1 (i don't have the analog ps1 controller for it but i have a ps3 that plays ps1 discs so it's not that big of a deal imo), and i bought this game bundle called "final fantasy chronicles" that had final fantasy iv and "chrono trigger" included which is dope asf,, btw yesterday alongside the ps2, i bought like,, "tony hawk's pro skater" for the ps1 which i think is like awesome,, and like,, wow,, i bought "ICO" for the ps2 do u know how big of a deal that is to me,, ico is in like my top 5 games of all time and now that i own it physically,, it's like,, wow,, i'm winning,, i can look past the north american box art and the fact that i don't currently own a ps2,, i won by owning this,, but for now i'm gonna have to just keep it in the background yk,, like people who buy vinyls without owning a record player,, i don't mind those kinds of people,, i know people tend to mind those kinds of people like so much,, but if u care about the piece of media it's like hey go ahead n make urself feel happy

i changed my major back to computer science not too long ago which is like yeah,, i feel i'm more willing and passionate for this now,, i start my summer courses tomorrow which may or may not be a pain cuz i know summer courses are really fast paced and just a potentially big struggle,, but hey outside of college my schedule is free enough for it so,, i'm gonna work thru this

ultimately i'm living my life,, just like everyone else

factorio is consuming me

ok the escape game on clubhouse games for the nintendo ds is so fucking hard

why is it so hard

like levels 1 and 2 were fine but it was level 3 where i started going insane

thanks nintendo

hi i'm still alive

started a new max/msp course recently so that's pretty cool yeah i can't wait to get into that,, would love to perform IDM patches on there once i get better at it,, my cohort has some great progress too like i love spectating it

also started an active web dev course alongside the max/msp one cuz i want to take that stuff seriously too,, this website is asking for that kind of love from me

before i would very slowly self teach myself these things but now it's like yeah ok cool guided learning,, that's always nice

i bought my first otamatone today at a barnes & noble which i'm kinda really happy about cause i'd always wanted to buy one of those but never actively sought out for one cuz it would always slip my mind,, but no yea this is great lol i used to admire them a lot a long long time ago but it's here i own it now and it's so cute it's like a Pusheen edition otamatone i didn't even know those were a thing but amazing.. maybe someday i'll get the miku one

and another thing my new 3ds xl had like a corrupted sd card for the past idk maybe 2 or 3 months or so and today i finally said fuck it and reinstated my mod setup and restored to an older nand version which like no yea i'm happy about this too.. albeit some data's gone cuz the nand backup was from like april of last year and i played after that.. but no yea i'm over it i guess it doesn't bother me. i'm also not too bothered over losing like themes and stuff.. all of this is because i already have like a second 3ds with stuff on it so it's like so fine lol

gonna go through with changing my college major back to computer science next week cause i've been doing a bunch of thinking these past few months and i'm starting to get the appeal of it again,, i already adopted the major a while back but then opted for natural science cuz at the time i was so disinterested in computer science,, i'm a little heartbroken by that reality nowadays tbh.. but now it's like yeah lol some kind of redemption

anyways this is really long

i'm happy i think ok life is pretty okay

awwwww i just reeaaaliiiized that i missed the one month anniversary of this website's launch

well it's not that big of a deal tbh but it would've been a liiiiiittle nice

whatever ok still counting it in my website updates scroll box

here's to the one year anniversary

ok so apparently i do not hate studying.. but the way that i study is slower than i'd wish for it to be

answering essay questions seriously helps,, but i feel like i should open myself up to a more constructive workaround than what i'm doing now.. cause i've been answering these with wayyy too many unnecessary words.. i was always an overreacher when it came to writing tbh..,.,. be it for personal or graded purposes.

i think i'm starting to get the appeal of cornell note-taking,, although i haven't actually utilized the system in recent history

just sounds like a proper format to exercise my knowledge of a subject

when i wake up i'm gonna study hardest i've studied in a while

i love pushing things back til the end of the week no i don't

such an old habit being brought back

huzzah for i've uploaded two tracks on soundcloud in one day

first time in a long time

not shoulder patting myself but like yea this is a good day for that

edit (2 may 2025 @ 14:47 CST): sigh

minecraf movie was awsom

ok i'm still gonna watch the minecraft movie today but i feel so dizzy it honestly hurts

idek why i feel dizzy

maybe this is like a jogging aftereffect too

goddamit this sucks

a bit nauseous too

was the jog i took really that powerful

my legs hurt

shiiiiiiiiit they hurt so much

this is the jogging aftereffect

ngl i jogged for a whole hour straight like nonstop earlier and i honestly have no idea what came over me that made me do that

i haven't had tht kind of energy in so long it was honestly a tad bit insane

i used to do nonstop 70 minute jogs back in like late 2022 but ,, not at all after that ,, and i was so sure i had fallen off cuz i'd only be getting like 40 min 45 min jogs nowadays ,, but like no i guess we're back lol.. maybe,,,,,

i had LUNA SEA's music in my ears while jogging & i think that made it so much more euphoric

i love LUNA SEA so much they're amazing visual kei.. top 10 personal discoveries of 2024

u know what... i'm recommending them in my music page after i'm done writing this

anyways i'm gonna watch the minecraft movie tomorrow (later today i guess) w my sibling i think

it's gonna suck but at the same time it's gonna be so awesome

how semi wonderful

today and yesterday have been such good days for this website

i know i don't get thaaat many visitors like ever but i still like sprucing this site up keeping this up yeah yeah updating this

i treat this like my little online house

like a social media that's not really that social

antisocial media... whoa

either way good feeeeeeeeeeling

i'm so making it work

the layouts of my college finals got announced today in my courses and they sound a liiiittle scary but it's so so important to just try and make it work anyway.. i won't let this fear get to me

what an unexpected load of work tho...

kinda seriously wack asf

hi i guess i'm doing these now.. i'm like wondering and stuff if i'll end up being frequent with this page,, i meann.,.,,. probably,, like some days i will have a lot to say while other days i'll have liek,..... nothing at all.. mute from the inside mute freom the outside,,.