my sadness is not valid

feels like everyone’s got a criteria as to what make their sadness valid

and my sadness doesn’t match that criteria

my situation is not very serious on the surface level

but i am dying inside a little

i wish reaching out to friends didnt feel like a big hurdle

i wish i could stop bottling everything up

i won’t always get what i want

though thinking in retrospect, i don’t always appreciate when i do get what i want

it’s an endless cycle of whatever

what’s even good for me anymore

what do i consider “for me” right now

can't stop weeping

what's internal can't be external

can i catch a break, honestly?!

why am i being shunned like a creature?! a subhuman?!

i'm not worthless, but you call me worthless anyway?!

it's not just in my head

i wish people weren't so cruel

but people like to thrive off of their own cruelty... and i fail to understand

1

you'll let me know when the food is ready

2

should i count on that?

it's not good to gain so much weight, you know?

1

well... i'm heavily colored by mindless desire. i crave for food in secret, but i would never act upon any of these desires.

2

why would you ask me to let you know when the food is ready, then?

1

well... i don't know what i want

2

have you ever known what you wanted?

do you even know why you call what you're waiting for... food?

you know you'll just vomit like every other time you've tried to indulge... almost as if it's inedible

so why come back for more every time?

1

can i even consider it gluttony? calling it gluttony is immoral.

2

yet you're the one who's got all of the cravings that you swear you'd never act upon.

baby, here we are.

you should learn to sit with the current state of affairs.

1

how could i? you said it yourself that it's not good to gain so much weight, right?

2

this isn't about that.

it's about how your desires don't correlate with your actions, despite you insisting otherwise.

when will you help yourself...?

help me help yourself... for me... and for you.

1

do i... want help...

2

do you... want help...?

i'm conjecturing yes but you're expressing a heavy reluctance.

that's not what i want to hear, but at the same time, it's everything that i wanted to hear.

or... at least... everything that i expected

...

i'm throwing your food in the trash, and i'll burn the trash can later.

not like it matters when you can order takeout and buy a new trash can, right?

1

i'm... not hungry anymore

2

you're sorry

nothing feels right

so many upswings and downswings in life... this is where i feel no balance

to maintain a leftswing and a rightswing in place of a series of upswings and downswings is to be free

different people have their own definition of free

but this one belongs to me

although it depends where on the spectrum of upswings and downswings i would want the leftswings and rightswings to maintain

do i have any say in this?

do i have a say in anything?

i'm not just lost outside... but inside too?

not just in the sense of questioning "where am i?"

but really... "why am i...?" as well...

to have a definitive answer for these questions is to be free

different people have their own definition of free

but this one belongs to me

although it depends on what my answers end up being for both of these questions... is my ideal not anyone else's ideal here?

can i even consider my reality an ideal?

do i have any say in this?

the reality of having a say in what i want to have a say in sounds macabre

what's my trajectory to be

there is no real trajectory to be deliberated on when i'm a monster that doesn't deserve any sort of trajectory

but what of other monsters who feel a sense of trajectory in their own lives?

to be able to understand the truth in this scenario is to be free

different people have their own definition of free

but... part of me doesn't believe in this version of "free"

i don't want to understand this truth

i deserve to know the truth... but that doesn't mean i want it

do i have any say in this?

i don't think i do. my mouth is covered in tape.

everything is unfolding

but nothing is unfolding at the same time

life is a steel box

theory that our brains have two settings for events, "this is happening right now"

Asking yourself why something is happening for you instead of to you doesn't mean we have to like what's happening❤️, necessarily.

It also isn't about blaming...BUT IT’S😌 NEVER BEEN ABOUT ANYTHING REALLY IT’S JUST A YOU ENDEAVOR.

The universe is random🥴😵😵‍💫💫 and objective, yet somehow it often feels like everything happens for a reason.

Perhaps there is divine destinydivine destinydivine6️⃣ destiny seu camuflagem ativa ou adaptativa AJUDA “AJUDA”

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please please vote for tenshi in my dreams…,…….,……..,…….llmmmlmlmlmlmm🛌😍

yeah

wko

yeah

wko

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OK. up then down the left and to the right. don’t hide from me because i’ll get to it, my good sir. what… i’m still fluctuating… i’m fluctuating so badly that i’m… i’m flustered? 😖😖😖 could i be… flustuating? 😑 fluctered? 😑 how’s about nothing at all…

tthis cold air is making my nostrils feel weird. my ears feel weird too. is it the altitude’s fault i wonder.. let’s come back down.

OK

OK.

OK…

where in the world am i…? 😢 my cauldron is shifting rainbows and my yosemite hammer isn’t a yosemite hammer anymore. HAHAHA… IT’S A CHOPSTICK. OR A DRUMSTICK. OR MAYBE IT’S ACTUALLY A TOOTHPICK. heh.. hehehhwhahehah

i don’t like it.

i want to go back to the way things always were. i want to come back to my initial passions and not endure this tragedy. i didn’t even think me coming back down was a question of passion.,,… but i guess it was.

let’s go back up

OK

ok

ok? i’m fluctuating

OK

OK.

OK OK OK

i’m lost forever. i found a man with two legs and i told him hello but he doesn’t care. i don’t think he will ever care. if he had the capacity to care ,, wuld he care enough to tell me hello……

Life is in a constant flux and nothing stays the same forever. The undertakings stated in the Four Noble Truths doctrine are to be inevitably reapplied in cyclical terms. They are the primary essence of dharma. The processes stated within Buddha’s teachings, while potentially striking subtle feelings of fear and skepticism to some, shall instill a sense of remembrance for the fact that such processes are inevitable.